it's been forever since i blogged a proper post. i've realised, all my previous posts were about the guy that was in my life at that point of time. looking back, i just feel really stupid. i've always been telling my friends, life is short, so enjoy it. and that we can be happy without a guy. but yknow the feeling where you can give out advice, but never listen to your own? that is just one of the examples of how dependent i am on a guy. i have fall outs with friends over guys, or misunderstandings and conflicts over a particular guy. but not once did i CHOOSE that path. it just happened. my friend once asked me this, "how many crushes did you have?". i couldn't even give her a proper answer cause there were just too many. somehow, after each crush faded and i moved on to a new target, i got worst. i started to lose my personality and just somehow became a player. i became so jaded and recently gave up on love. i'm one of those that holds a deep believe that everyone will meet their true love one day. so it's a pretty big deal when i lose faith in that. i guess the wake up call came when i saw how love makes a person truely happy and greatful for everything in their life. 2 of my closest friends recently became attached, and i swear they've become so much more happy. but i guess i felt like they started to drift from me. i knew it was gonna happen, and i tried not to let it hurt. but obviously it did. i think i sorta lost my point there. anyways, love isn't all that bad. yes, i've gone through heartbreaks and some rough times, but other people have gone through worse and survived. what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. the point of today's post is this.. positive attracts positive. i've been applying this into my life during this past few weeks, and i think it's made me into a better person. why tell yourself you CAN'T do this, or it will NEVER happen? try the opposite and believe in your thoughts. good things really will start to happen. and obviously, be grateful for the things and people that you have in your life. life is indeed short, and people enter and leave your life all the time. but those that stay on, are the ones that really matter. i've been going through a rough patch in my life, but my closest friends have just stayed there and supported me all these while. sometimes i flared up at them and acted like a total bitch. and what did they do? they hugged me and told me that everything would be alright. it's little things like this that makes me so grateful for just being alive. throughout this past week, i've been reflecting on the events at the end of each day, and realised that there is something to be grateful for every single day. i'm grateful for my family. dad went to fetch me cause he was worried about me walking back home alone. and he has to wake up early to head to work tomorrow. mum woke up at midnight yesterday and wanted to help me with the cutting of my laminated pictures. she wasn't feeling well but put that aside for me. i sent her back to bed. and today, while i wasn't home, she wrapped up the boxes that i needed to use for my learning corner. she didn't have to do that, but she did. because she loves me. i know i fight with my parents all the time, but that's just how we communicate. deep down, we just really love each other. i'm grateful for my health. without my health, what's the point of life? i'm grateful for the friends that have come and gone from my life. i'm grateful for music. i'm grateful for dance. but most of all, i'm grateful for all the people that care about me. so i guess this is my way of expressing my inner turmoil, and just to show people that i DO care about others too. and another thing that i've learnt this week: girls shouldn't always be the one initiating contact. if the guy even gives a fuck about you, he'll initiate it. if he doesn't, then just forget it and move on. so basically that's all that i wanted to say. shall have an early rest now. goodnight :)